Touchdown rulez/sobriety drulez

I've had so many people emailing me after that last post and asking "What's Touchdown? Where do I get it? What if you tire before it's done?" etc. And I'm all "Relax! It's just a drinking game!" and then there's that collective "Ohhhhh..." from the audience -- you know the one. So let me explain these rules, and then you will KNOW the best drinking game out there.

Touchdown
by Nick "Jersey-kid" Lastname

This game was created by a friend of my best friend, in an effort to force he and his friends to finish four forties of Steel Reserve. Yep. Fucking nast. However, if you are too flappy a vagina to down such nasty, awesome malt liquor, a nicer forty will suffice. We did it with Pabst. In any case it's gotta be a double-deuce, or a forty. Big bottle.

Four people sit around a table, each with a forty. One quarter is needed. A kicker is elected/assigned, and their turn, as well as the first round, begins. The kicker announces "Kick off!" to warn everyone, then places the quarter on their thumb, ready to flip. They then announce what side is up, in the appropriately football-themed "laces out" (heads up) or "laces in" (tails up), and they flip. Catch, put it on your arm, and hold it, covered. Each of the other three players must now decide if they think it's landed heads, or tails. This is key: until everyone has announced their decision, the quarter must stay covered. No one has to agree, because once the flip is revealed, those who got it wrong have to drink! Those who guessed the flip correctly are spared.

Here's where it gets interesting (more so). If all three other players agree on what they think the flip will be, and they are all correct, the kicker must drink for each other player. That's thrice! When this success is revealed, all the non-kicker players yell "Touchdown!" and high-five. This is key. It's up to players to decide to go down that road. Don't be a sheep, stick to your beliefs, but consider the sweet victory of forcing the kicker to drink a lot.

That turn is over, it's the person to the kicker's left who now becomes the new kicker. Play continues. When the fourth person's turn ends, the round ends, and kicker #1 goes again.

So, you are player A, the kicker, and around the table is player B then C then D. You flip, hold the quarter, covered on your arm, and player B and C say "heads!" and D says "tails!", and you reveal it to be... tails! B and C must drink! D is chillin'. A new kicker, player B, gets the quarter, flips, and you, and C and D all agree (possibly after some coercing) that it's heads! Player B reveales it to be... heads! You and B and C yell "Touchdown!" and high five, while player B (still the kicker) drinks for each of you! Glug glug glug.

Play until someone wins, by finishing their fourty. Then get more! Other ways to win are the first person who can't lift their bottle, or the first person to vomit off the edge of their deck.

Now there are a few more points to make this game truly great. Let it be known that any penalties are rewarded(?) with a drink. The following are penalties:

Dropping/failing to catch the quarter (this slippery slope has people with poor motorskills only getting worse).
Drinking when the game hasn't assigned you to do so ("I'm gonna drink... woops that's a penalty--now I have to drink.").
Losing the quarter altogether. This is such a big deal that in some circles, the penalty here is to finish your entire forty. Right now. Be on the deck, ready to "win". Find a new quarter and continue playing.

Finally, there are two lightning rounds, during which all drinks are doubled, be they standard play, or penalties. So if you get a touchdown, the kicker must drink twise as many as three. Six times. If you fumble the quarter, you drink twice. Lightning rounds last for one round, so until the player who was kicker at the time it started, becomes kicker again (lightning round may continue through that flip as well, if you so choose). The first lightning round is the last player to get their beer level to the top of the label on the bottle. As soon as this happens, ENTER THE LIGHTNING ROUND!! The second lightning round is the first player to get their beer level to the bottom of the label on the bottle. When this happens, ENTER THE LIGHTNING ROUND!! It has happened that two lightning rounds have coincided. Johnny Chugalug over here gets his beer to the bottom of his label and a second later Pussy McNoDrink finally gets his beer tothe top of his label. This is known as the Sunfire Round, during which all drinks are quadrupled! A penalty is four drinks! The touchdowned kicker must drink four times three players: 12 motherfucking times. Any special round only lasts one round, so don't go crazy.

Enjoy! This is seriously the coolest game ever, and you and your friends will wonder how they ever lived out in the cold windy world without it. Tell what you think of it, I love hearin' the stories! There are legends told of a God and Satan round, something about four consecutive heads or four consecutive tails... but that's only legend.

The previous game should not have been played by minors. Seriously. Unless they're drinking milk. Also, don't drink and drive. If your hungry, order pizza. But don't hit on the lady delivering the pizza. Why don't ladies ever deliver pizza? Always guys. Don't hit on them either. Be safe and responsible. Drink lots of water before you pass out. You'll thank me tomorrow morning, when you wake up with me in your bed, puking all over myself. Seriously, don't drink alcohol if you know you shouldn't be.